NEVER HERE KEIR: Starmer ‘Considering Britain Visit Later This Year’
Prime Minister Sir Keir Starmer is reportedly “open in principle” to popping back to Britain some time before December, multiple sources have told The Dafty.The bombshell claim comes as the PM was yesterday pictured in Singapore teaching the Sultan how to do the Macarena at a £400-a-head “Global Friendship Gala”, having flown straight from a […]
Kanye West Banned From Music Festival – Meanwhile Starmer Has Tea With Head Chopping Terrorist
Home Office officials confirmed last night that Kanye West has been refused entry to headline Wireless Festival in July. The official letter, delivered by a man in a hi-vis vest who looked genuinely embarrassed, states: “Mr West’s presence would not be conducive to the public good.”A government source, speaking from behind a large pot plant, […]
SCOTTISH LIFE
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LOCAL NEWS
Clydebank Unveil Revolutionary ‘Invisible Kit’ After Laundry Mix-Up
Clydebank AFC have stunned the footballing world by unveiling what they insist is a “revolutionary, future‑facing, performance‑enhancing” new strip—despite the fact that it is, by all available evidence, completely invisible.The club revealed the kit during a press conference on Monday, where players marched out wearing nothing but boots, shin pads, and expressions of deep personal […]
TECH
Nation’s Wi‑Fi Plunges Into Chaos After Man Unplugs Router “For a Second”
BRITAIN — Large parts of the UK were thrown into digital disarray yesterday after a 32‑year‑old man from Falkirk unplugged his home router “just for a second,” triggering what experts are calling “the closest thing the nation has had to a communications blackout since someone sat on the Sky remote in 2014.” The incident began […]
ENTERTAINMENT
Spice Girls Reunion Tour: “Girl Power” Now Officially Means “Power Through the Menopause”
LONDON — The five women who once told the world what they really, really wanted have finally decided: it was a fat pension and the sweet release of nostalgia cash.In a press conference held inside a giant inflatable Union Jack that kept deflating every time Geri Halliwell spoke, the Spice Girls announced “Forever Spice: One […]
