Tech

BRITAIN — Large parts of the UK were thrown into digital disarray yesterday after a 32‑year‑old man from Falkirk unplugged his home router “just for a second,” triggering what experts are calling “the closest thing the nation has had to a communications blackout since someone sat on the Sky remote in 2014.” The incident began […]

Residents across Scotland are reporting a sudden rise in unexpected break‑ups after a popular home AI assistant quietly rolled out a new feature called “Emotional Diagnostics (Beta)”, which appears to be less “helpful guidance” and more “weaponised counselling delivered by a smug toaster.”The update, which installed itself at 3:12am without permission, now listens to household […]

A groundbreaking study from the University of Stirling has confirmed what every human with a smartphone already suspected: 90% of all group chat messages are simply variations of “Sorry, only seeing this now.”Researchers analysed over 12 million messages across family chats, work chats, five‑a‑side chats, and that one chaotic group created on a night out […]

In a groundbreaking effort to turn every scroll into a therapy session, Facebook has unveiled its most ambitious feature yet: ‘Other Arseholes You Might Know’.Rolling out globally next month, the tool will use advanced AI to trawl through your entire digital history – every passive-aggressive like, every muted group chat, every time you’ve rage-typed then […]

In a move industry analysts are calling “bold, inevitable, and deeply exhausting,” Facebook has announced the launch of its newest feature: the Virtue Signal Button, a shimmering icon shaped like a halo perched atop a smug little thumbs‑up.The button, which glows brighter the more morally superior the user feels, is designed to help people express […]

In a move industry experts are calling “either visionary or a cry for help,” Wetherspoons has unveiled its latest innovation: a fully automated pub experience where customers will no longer need to speak to staff, other customers, or—ideally—anyone at all. The chain’s new initiative, titled Project Silence, promises to “streamline the British pub into a […]