Prince William ‘Absolutely Knackered’ After Hammering Single Nail, Loses Benefits

LONDON – In a display of working-class heroism that has left the nation both inspired and slightly concerned, Prince William hammered one (1) nail into a piece of wood yesterday, before immediately requiring medical attention and a lie-down.

Sources close to Kensington Palace say the future King spotted a slightly wobbly piece of wood on a council house and declared, “Right, this one’s for the people.” Donning what appeared to be a borrowed high-vis vest from a 2018 charity visit, William picked up a hammer and, after three practice swings that nearly took out a corgi, struck the nail squarely on the head.

“It went in first time,” gasped an eyewitness. “But then he just stood there, breathing heavily, muttering ‘What a day’ while clutching his wrist like he’d done ten rounds with Mike Tyson.”

According to palace insiders, William retired to a chaise longue immediately afterwards, where he was revived with a single organic oat milk latte and several concerned texts from his brother. “I gave it everything,” the Prince reportedly told aides. “My shoulder’s had it. Tell the children Daddy’s a maker now.”

Tragedy struck later when the Department for Work and Pensions confirmed William has been stripped of his universal credit and related benefits after a member of the public reported him as “clearly fit for work.”

The tip-off, believed to have come from a disgruntled royal watcher who filmed the entire six-second DIY ordeal, stated: “If he can swing a hammer, he can stack shelves. No more handouts for this lad.”

A DWP spokesperson said: “We take reports of fitness very seriously. His Royal Highness completed a manual task without calling for a footman. That’s a clear declaration of capability in our eyes.”

William’s representatives have called the decision “deeply unfair,” pointing out that the nail “was quite long” and the wood “unexpectedly wooden.” A planned GoFundMe titled “Help Wills Recover From His Big Hammering” has already raised £47 from well-wishers, mostly his mother-in-law.

Meanwhile, the council house remains slightly wobbly, and Buckingham Palace has confirmed that a professional will be brought in “for the nation’s sake.”