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Local Man Calls for VAR After His Wife Passes Her Driving Test
A GLASGOW man is demanding full video‑assistant‑referee review after his wife successfully passed her driving test “despite several clear and obvious howlers,” according to sources close to the marital dispute.Craig McFadden, 42, claims the examiner’s decision was “a shocking miscarriage of motoring justice” and insists the DVLA should “roll the tapes back, slow it down, […]
Horrorscopes May 2026
♈ AriesMay hands you momentum like a toddler handing you a sticky toy: enthusiastic but suspicious. You’ll start something bold around the 9th, then immediately wonder why you’re like this. A stranger compliments your shoes. You pretend it’s no big deal, but it absolutely fuels you for days.♉ TaurusThis month is peak “treat yourself,” and […]
April Horrorscopes 2026
♈ Aries Your energy this month is feral. You’ll attempt three new projects, finish none, and blame Mercury despite Mercury minding its own business. A seagull will judge you harshly on the 14th. Ignore it. It peaked in 2019. ♉ Taurus April brings stability, snacks, and a dangerous overconfidence in your DIY skills. You’ll “fix” […]
VAR to be Replaced With Giant Pair of Binoculars Found in Referee’s Attic
Scottish football was thrown into mild-to-moderate chaos yesterday after the national refereeing body confirmed that Video Assistant Refereeing will be “phased out immediately” and replaced with a giant pair of binoculars discovered in a referee’s attic during a routine clear‑out.The binoculars — described by officials as “absolutely massive” and “surprisingly clean for something that’s been […]
No Timetable For Anything As Nation Unsure If Even Lunch Is Still Going Ahead
In a week when the government promised “stability”, the country has instead been treated to the political equivalent of a washing machine stuck on spin cycle, as Downing Street confirmed there is “no timetable” for Prime Minister Keir Starmer’s departure — or, apparently, for anything else at all.The announcement followed days of speculation, internal grumbling, […]
Man Accused of ‘Stealing Thunder’ During Local Storm
Residents of Drumfankie were left stunned last night after a man was dramatically accused of “stealing thunder” during a particularly rowdy storm that rattled bins, shingles, and at least one elderly spaniel.Police say the suspect, 39‑year‑old Gavin McBlitz, was found “behaving in a meteorologically suspicious manner” after neighbours reported seeing him sprinting across his garden […]
Local Man Forced to Call in Glazier After He Admits Throwing Stones in Glass Houses
A local man has been left red‑faced — and considerably out of pocket — after confessing to what experts are calling “one of the most predictable outcomes in human history.”The incident unfolded on Wednesday afternoon when neighbours reported a “series of delicate tinkles followed by one very loud swear word” coming from a suburban back […]