Scotland Poised to Boycott the World Cup – “We’ve Been Doing That for 28 Years,” Spokesman Said

In a bold geopolitical manoeuvre that experts are already calling “deeply consistent with tradition,” the Scottish Football Association has announced its intention to boycott the next World Cup.

The declaration was delivered at Hampden Park by SFA spokesman Dougie McLintock, who reassured the nation that this dramatic stance would require “no behavioural changes whatsoever.”

“We’ve been boycotting World Cups since 1998,” McLintock said proudly, adjusting a tie patterned with historic near‑misses. “Some countries need diplomatic crises or moral outrage to justify a boycott. We just need qualifiers.”

The announcement has sparked confusion abroad, with several international outlets mistakenly reporting that Scotland had actually qualified and was now withdrawing in protest. McLintock moved quickly to correct the record.

“Let’s be clear,” he said. “This is a proactive boycott. A strategic boycott. A boycott rooted in heritage, identity, and our unwavering commitment to finishing third in groups containing at least one team we’ve never heard of.”

Fans across the country have responded with overwhelming support, many relieved that Scotland’s proud tradition of World Cup abstinence will continue uninterrupted.

“It’s who we are,” said lifelong supporter Fiona MacRae. “My dad didn’t see Scotland at a World Cup. I didn’t see Scotland at a World Cup. My kids won’t either. It’s nice to have something that binds the generations.”

McLintock confirmed the SFA is already preparing for 2030.

“We’ll boycott that one too,” he said. “Assuming the qualifiers go to plan.”