Larry the Cat Quits Downing Street in Spectacular Fashion

“Fuck This, I’m Out of Here” – Chief Mouser Tells Chaos-Weary Nation

LONDON – In a move that has sent shockwaves through Whitehall and left mice across SW1 rubbing their tiny paws with glee, Larry the Cat has officially resigned as Chief Mouser to the Cabinet Office.

The 17-year-old tabby, who has outlasted five Prime Ministers, three Chancellors of the Exchequer, and an estimated 4,872 policy U-turns, made the announcement this morning by simply strolling out of Number 10’s famous black door, pausing only to deliver a withering stare at the waiting press pack.

“Fuck this. I’m out of here,” Larry reportedly meowed before sauntering towards the gates, tail held high in what political commentators are calling “the most decisive leadership decision in years.”

Sources close to the feline say the final straw came during yet another 3am crisis meeting about the latest net zero targets, which apparently involved several cabinet ministers arguing over who ate the last packet of biscuits. Larry, who has witnessed everything from Partygate to the lettuce outlasting Liz Truss, is said to have finally snapped.

“He’s seen more backstabbing than the average Roman senator,” one insider told The Dafty. “The man was trying to have a quiet nap on the sofa when Rishi started doing that weird thing with his hands again. That was it. Game over.”

Downing Street sources were quick to issue a grovelling statement praising Larry’s “long and distinguished service in pest control and occasional accidental diplomacy.” Keir Starmer was reportedly seen offering Larry a saucer of milk and a peerage in a desperate bid to keep him. The cat declined both.

Political rivals were quick to react. Reform’s Nigel Farage claimed Larry was “finally listening to the British public,” while the Liberal Democrats demanded a full inquiry into whether he was offered a better job in Brussels.

Larry was last seen heading towards St James’s Park, where he is believed to be considering his options. Early rumours suggest a lucrative book deal and a Netflix series titled Nine Lives in Downing Street.

When asked for comment, the former Chief Mouser simply flicked his ear and continued walking. For once, Britain seems united: even the mice are sad to see him go.