Trump Threatens Tariffs on Lego Bricks as Feud With Denmark Escalates

President Donald J. Trump escalated his long-running quest to purchase Greenland yesterday by announcing crippling tariffs on any country that refuses to support the plan.

Speaking from the White House Rose Garden while wearing a bright red “Make Greenland Great Again” cap, Trump declared, “Greenland belongs in the family. Denmark says no? Fine. 100% tariffs on their Lego bricks. Sweden says no? Smørrebrød gets expensive fast. Canada objects? Maple syrup becomes a luxury item. Nobody tells America what to do with our beautiful, icy real estate.”

The president insisted the acquisition is purely strategic. “It’s got glaciers, minerals, polar bears for the golf courses. Tremendous views. I’ve seen the photos—fantastic. We’ll rename it Trump Territory. Classy.”

Danish Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen responded with a polite but firm statement: “Greenland is not for sale.” Trump retorted on Truth Social: “Wrong! Everything’s for sale if the price is right. And my price is right. They’re just jealous of our winning.”

Experts warn the tariff threats could backfire spectacularly. “Imposing duties on nations that already don’t want to sell you their territory might not change their minds,” said one bemused trade analyst. “It’s like threatening to tax someone’s dog because they won’t give you their house.”

Undeterred, Trump doubled down. “If the whole world says no, I’ll tariff the penguins too. They’ll learn. Believe me.”

White House aides later clarified the president was “mostly joking” about penguin tariffs, though sources confirm he has already instructed the Treasury Department to research “ice-tax feasibility.”

Greenland’s 56,000 residents, meanwhile, have launched a crowdfunding campaign titled “Buy America Instead.” Early donations include one krone from a local fisherman who wrote, “Take our ice, leave our fish.”