Iran Experiences Worst Riots in Decades After Government Accidentally Promises “Fun”

TEHRAN – In the most chaotic 72 hours since the invention of the traffic jam, Iran descended into nationwide pandemonium yesterday when the Ministry of Islamic Guidance accidentally tweeted that this weekend would feature “fun, music, dancing, and maybe a little bit of joy (don’t tell the Supreme Leader).”

What followed was less a protest and more a national-level toddler tantrum with Molotov cocktails.

Within minutes of the now-deleted tweet, thousands poured into the streets of Tehran, Isfahan, and Mashhad carrying the most dangerous weapon known to authoritarian regimes: hope. Riot police, trained exclusively to disperse angry people, were completely unprepared for citizens who were mostly just… happy? Confused riot squads reportedly stood in formation holding batons like men who’d been told the party started at 8 but arrived at 6 and now feel awkward.

“They said fun,” sobbed one 22-year-old demonstrator while joyfully setting fire to a portrait of the Supreme Leader. “I haven’t heard that word since primary school! I just wanted to hear music that wasn’t a camel having an existential crisis!”

Eyewitnesses described scenes of pure anarchy: young men breakdancing on top of burnt-out riot vans, women doing the Macarena while dodging tear gas, and one particularly committed grandfather attempting to crowd-surf across Valiasr Square using only a prayer rug and sheer stubbornness.

The government quickly issued a correction: “The tweet was a typo. We meant ‘funeral’. There will be many funerals. Please return home.” Unfortunately, by then the damage was done. Citizens had tasted the forbidden fruit of mild entertainment and were not going back.

As of press time, authorities have declared a national day of mourning for the concept of fun, while quietly adding “joy” to the growing list of banned substances alongside alcohol, dogs, and satellite dishes.

The Dafty – Because the truth is depressing enough already.