Giant Easter Egg’s Palm Oil Could Power Your House—And Your Guilt Trip

LONDON—ChocoCorp unveiled the “MegaHatch 3000” Easter egg yesterday, a 1,200-pound chocolate behemoth the size of a garden shed, and immediately declared it the future of renewable energy.

According to the company’s press release, the egg’s filling contains 87 gallons of refined palm oil—enough, when converted to biodiesel, to run a three-bedroom semi-detached house for eleven months, “including the kettle, the telly, and little Timmy’s Xbox.” Engineers demonstrated the process live on stage by drilling a tiny tap into the egg’s glossy shell and filling a generator with the viscous brown liquid. The machine coughed once, then purred to life, powering a string of fairy lights that spelled out “HAPPY EASTER (and sorry about Indonesia).”

Marketing director Fiona Butterscotch beamed beside the confection. “We’ve always said our eggs are enormous. Now they’re also carbon-neutral—once you ignore the deforestation, the orangutans, and the fact we ship them in lorries that run on the same palm oil.” She then handed out free samples the size of bowling balls, each one wrapped in a leaflet explaining how eating the chocolate “recycles the guilt back into electricity.”

Environmental campaigners arrived within minutes, only to discover the protest had already been sponsored by ChocoCorp. “We’re not greenwashing,” insisted Butterscotch while a protester tried to superglue herself to the egg and slid off the palm-oil coating like a greased pig. “We’re egg-washing.”

By late afternoon the MegaHatch had been rolled into a council estate in Croydon, where residents were promised free power until June. Local electrician Dave Wilkins summed it up best: “My lights are on, my kids are hyper on chocolate, and the orangutans are probably wondering why their forest smells like Easter. Brilliant.”

ChocoCorp shares rose 14 percent. The egg is expected to last until Sunday, or until someone with a spoon and low impulse control gets to it.