Nation Demands Immediate Action After Encountering Yet Another Annoying Driver

The country descended into collective despair yesterday after millions reported run‑ins with what experts are calling “the full spectrum of absolute roasters behind the wheel.”

The chaos began at 8:03am when commuter Fiona McBride found herself trapped behind a driver doing 27mph in a 40mph zone “for no apparent reason other than vibes.” Witnesses say Fiona aged roughly seven years during the ordeal, mouthing phrases that lip‑readers later confirmed were “use the pedal, you coward.”

By mid‑morning, incidents were piling up faster than a roundabout during rush hour. One man in Ayrshire reported being overtaken by a driver who then immediately slowed down, a manoeuvre scientists have classified as “psychological warfare.” Another citizen described a BMW driver who indicated left, turned right, and then shrugged — a gesture police are treating as a confession.

Government officials attempted to calm the public by announcing a new awareness campaign titled Indicators: They’re Not Just Decorative, though early feedback suggests the target audience “won’t read it anyway.”

A national survey revealed the top three most hated driver types:

1. The Lane Drifter, who wanders like a bored sheep

2. The Sudden Braker, who panics at shadows, leaves, and occasionally their own reflection

3. The Parking Poet, who believes every bay is a creative writing exercise

Scientists warn the nation is approaching “critical road‑rage saturation,” noting that the average driver now mutters at least 14 insults per journey, rising to 22 if it’s raining.

Authorities advise citizens to breathe deeply, count to ten, and remember that shouting “learn to drive” has never once improved anyone’s driving.