Glasgow Surgical Clinic at Centre of Geopolitical Flashpoint With the US
President Donald Trump has blasted Big Eddie’s Barnet Repair Centre for a social media post that seemed to poke fun at The 47th US President’s hairpiece.
An image posted to the hair restoration clinic’s Facebook page used an enlarged picture of President Trump’s hair twinned with the caption: “Don’t buy a snide Percy Pig. Come on into Big Eddie’s today for a barnet that’ll withstand everything from a weekend at Epstein’s to a staged assassination attempt!’
Whilst the post was likely made in a humorous context, the controversial White House Chief has not taken it lightly. The President has replied to the post with a scathing tantrum by means of a post on his social media platform ‘Truth’ (A shite version of Twitter that only he uses.) He wrote – in block caps:
“KEIR STARMER AND OUR SO CALLED FRIENDS IN THE UNITED KINGDOM WILL BE SUBJECT TO 40% TARIFFS ON ALL HAIRCARE PRODUCTS FROM OUR US SUPPLIERS EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY. OUR GREAT NATION WILL NOT STAND FOR MALICIOUS SLANDER OF OUR ELECTED OFFICIALS. MAYBE NOW SO CALLED GREAT BRITAIN WILL LEARN THE MEANING OF RESPECT. ANY FUTURE REPEATS OF THIS UNTRUE AND TOTALLY BOGUS PROPAGANDA WILL SEE A HELLFIRE UNLEASHED AGAINST THE STATE OF COATBRIDGE AND ITS DEMOCRAT OCCUPANTS LIKE THEY HAVE NEVER KNOWN BEFORE. NOTHING WILL BE OFF THE TABLE FOR RETALIATION IF THEY DO NOT FALL IN LINE. MILITARY AND DIPLOMATIC RESPONSES ARE BEING CONSIDERED! ALL NEGOTIATIONS FOR TRADE AND COMMERCE WITH BRITAIN ARE HEREBY TERMINATED IMMEDIATELY!!!
PRESIDENT DONALD J TRUMP”
The blistering attack on Coatbridge and The UK, were typed all in capitals, presumably to illustrate how utterly ragin’ he is. Downing Street did not respond to The Dafty’s request for comment. But Eddie Carmichael, CEO of Big Eddie’s Barnet Repair Centre of the town’s Whifflet St, responded to Mr. Trump’s outburst:
“Aw he’s heavy spat the dummy int he? Canny believe it man. Had death threats and all sorts from mad cousin shaggers in Alabama and shit, MAGA this and Defend Europe that! We’ve been in here howlin’ and winding them up all day. It’s some publicity for us man so it is. Had some wummin from CNN wanting us on the telly and all sorts! Was only a snigger, Wee Amy that does the social media stuff posted it. I couldnae believe it when I saw it going viral. Tariff’s and all sorts, we get all our gear for doing transplants and the wigs from Turkey. Wulnae affect us in any way.”
The hair restoration magnate was dismissive of the potential for American military blowback from his business’ wig slagging operations:
“He’s aw fart and nae jobby. Has been for years. The guy’s a f**kin’ bunnet to be honest with ye. I haven’t given it a second thought. Good luck getting an aircraft carrier up the Clyde know wit ah mean? His Delta Force Dobbers would get set about and sent up the road with nae trainers if they came doon here. Wants to start his shite he can come in here himself. Happily, rip that tumbleweed aff his heid and hang it on the wall behind the till as an attraction. Got to be the only Millionaire on the planet that cannae afford a hair transplant. Fanny man.”
