Prince Andrew: “I Was Driving an Uber in Woking When That Latest Epstein Photo Was Taken”

LONDON – In a surprise late-night Instagram Live from what appeared to be a badly lit Vauxhall Corsa, Prince Andrew has categorically denied being the man in the newly unearthed photograph allegedly showing him arm-in-arm with Jeffrey Epstein at a notorious Palm Beach pool party in 2002.

The grainy image, which surfaced yesterday on a sketchy Reddit thread titled “Epstein’s Mates Vol. 47,” clearly depicts a tall figure in a Hawaiian shirt bearing a striking resemblance to the Duke of York. Yet Andrew, speaking earnestly into his phone camera while indicating right at a roundabout, offered what he called “definitive proof” of his innocence.

“At the exact moment that photo was supposedly taken – and I’m being very precise here – I was four hours into a twelve-hour shift driving for Uber in Woking,” he declared, pausing to accept a £3.47 cash tip from an invisible passenger. “I had just dropped off a lovely lady named Karen at the McDonald’s drive-thru on the A320. She ordered three McFlurries. I remember because she asked for extra flake and then complained there wasn’t enough flake. I was nowhere near Florida. I was negotiating a tricky three-point turn outside Woking Leisure Centre.”

When pressed on why the man in the photo appears to have the exact same receding hairline, nervous grin, and unfortunate choice in tropical attire, Andrew grew visibly agitated. “Lots of people own Hawaiian shirts,” he snapped. “And sweat. Sweat is universal. I was sweating in Woking too – the air-con in that Corsa was rubbish.”

Buckingham Palace declined to comment, though a source close to the royal household whispered that “his rating has dipped to 4.72 stars after he kept rerouting passengers via Windsor Great Park to ‘show them the castle’.”

Andrew concluded the broadcast by reminding viewers he was still accepting ride requests and had a five-star cold bottle of water in the cupholder for anyone brave enough to book him.