Great British Flick Off – Dame Prue Leith to Star in New Subbuteo-themed Cooking Show

In a move that has left the nation simultaneously baffled and delighted, Dame Prue Leith has been unveiled as the star presenter of a revolutionary new Subbuteo cooking show, The Great British Flick Off.

The programme, due to launch on a digital channel best described as “somewhere between CBeebies and Dave”, sees the 84-year-old baking icon swap her apron for a referee’s tracksuit to oversee a tabletop tournament where miniature chefs compete using Subbuteo figures to “cook” elaborate dishes.

Forget whisks and mixing bowls – contestants must flick tiny ingredients into pots, slide sponge cakes into microscopic ovens, and attempt to nutmeg rogue vegetables without sending the entire dish off the pitch. Points will be awarded for flair, accuracy, and the sheer drama of a last-second finger-flick that turns a collapsing soufflé into a triumphant stack of profiteroles.

Prue, sporting her trademark rainbow spectacles and a whistle that she promises to use “only when absolutely necessary”, will judge each creation on presentation, imagined flavour, and whether the final flick made her say “ooh, that’s clever!” or “goodness me, what a shambles”.

Producers insist the show will deliver “edge-of-the-table tension” as spatulas soar through the air and one unfortunate competitor risks a red card for excessive nutmegging of the garlic. Rumoured guests include Paul Hollywood as a no-nonsense linesman and Mary Berry lurking as the enigmatic fourth official who occasionally blows her whistle for reasons known only to herself.

The tagline? “It’s not just baking – it’s baking with balls.”

Filming commences next month in a carefully lit shed in Milton Keynes. Remote controls at the ready: this could be the most flicking brilliant thing on television.