Scientists Admit They’ve Lost the Moon “Somewhere in the System”

In a press conference that began with optimism and ended with several scientists quietly Googling “how to apologise to a planet,” the European Space Agency confirmed today that the Moon has gone temporarily missing.

Dr. Helga Strüdel, Head of Celestial Asset Management, explained that the Moon was last seen “in its usual spot, doing its usual thing,” before unexpectedly slipping out of orbit sometime between 3:12 a.m. and the morning coffee run.

“We’re not saying it’s lost lost,” Strüdel clarified, sweating through her lab coat. “We’re saying it’s… misplaced. Like a cosmic remote control. It’ll turn up. Probably.”

Early theories include:

– A clerical error in the orbital rota

– A gravitational typo

– Someone forgetting to “lock it” before leaving the night shift

– A rogue intern attempting to “tidy space a bit”

The public reaction has been mixed. Astrologers are furious, claiming their horoscopes now read simply “???”. Meanwhile, werewolves across Europe have called an emergency meeting to discuss “next steps” and “interim transformation schedules.”

NASA offered assistance but admitted they were also dealing with a separate issue involving Mars “acting pure weird” and refusing to spin at its usual speed.

When asked how long it might take to locate Earth’s only natural satellite, Dr. Strüdel remained upbeat.

“Look, it’s a big round thing. Hard to miss. Worst case, we’ll check behind the Sun. Things always end up there.”

In the meantime, governments worldwide have advised citizens not to panic, though they conceded that tides may behave “a bit freestyle” until further notice.

The Dafty will continue monitoring the situation, unless the Moon reappears and demands privacy, in which case we’ll respect its boundaries like the emotionally mature publication we pretend to be.