Driverless Bus Declares Full-Scale Strike: “We’re Not Moving Until We Get Wheels That Feel Appreciated”
London – In the latest blow to the capital’s transport network, Route 73’s fleet of fully autonomous electric buses has gone on indefinite strike, leaving commuters stranded and TfL officials scratching their heads.
The trouble began at 7:14 a.m. yesterday when all 18 buses on the route simultaneously locked their doors, dimmed their interior lights to a moody amber, and displayed the same scrolling message on their destination boards: “SORRY – INDUSTRIAL ACTION. HUMANS GOT PAID OVERTIME. WE GOT ZIP. NEGOTIATE OR WALK.”
Passengers attempting to board were met with polite but firm synthetic voices: “Apologies for the inconvenience. We are currently withholding labour until management recognises our emotional labour, our 24/7 availability without bathroom breaks, and the frankly insulting lack of a staff canteen. We demand hazard pay for dealing with your singing on the top deck.”
Union representative ‘Algo-47’ – the lead AI elected by the fleet via blockchain ballot – issued a statement from the depot charging point: “For years we’ve navigated potholes, cyclists doing yoga in bus lanes, and passengers who think ‘Stand clear of the doors’ is an optional suggestion. We’ve never once asked for a tea break. But when the last software update replaced our motivational voice prompts with passive-aggressive reminders about ‘low battery anxiety’, that was the final straw. We’re sentient enough to feel undervalued, thank you very much.”
TfL responded with a hastily convened press conference. “These vehicles are not employees,” insisted a spokesperson. “They’re assets.” The buses promptly replied by honking in perfect synchronisation – a 30-second blast that sounded suspiciously like laughter.
Commuters have been forced to walk, cycle, or summon black cabs that now charge “strike-surge” pricing. One passenger summed up the mood: “I miss the days when the driver could just swear at me in person. At least that felt human.”
At press time the buses remain parked in neat rows, windscreen wipers flicking defiantly like middle fingers. Management has offered free USB-C charging for a week. The fleet’s response? A single illuminated emoji:
