BREAKING: Dafty Editor Joins ‘Yoga Insurance’, Told to “Assume the Position” Before Quote Is Calculated

Mairi Allan, Chief Editor of The Dafty, has been left “emotionally rattled and spiritually compromised” after switching her car insurance to a company called Yoga, only to discover the name refers not to mindfulness but to the physical posture required to survive their renewal process.

Allan, 38, the co-owner of The Dafty, from the southside of Glasgow, made the move after her previous insurer doubled her premium “like they were trying to punish me for existing in a postcode with weather”. Seeking something gentler, she signed up to Yoga’s “Total Enlightenment” policy — advertised with a serene woman doing a stretch that, on closer inspection, looks suspiciously like someone preparing for a financial ambush.

The welcome pack arrived in a hemp envelope containing a candle, a yoga mat, and a note reading: “Before accessing your documents, please assume the position. You know the one.” Allan said the app then asked her to “relax her boundaries” before showing her the excess, which rose by £200 the moment she blinked.

Customer service hasn’t helped. Callers are greeted with: “Thank you for contacting Yoga Insurance. Please expose your vulnerable side while we process your request.” Allan claims she was then transferred to a “Premium Intimacy Advisor”, who whispered soothingly while adding a mysterious £119 “deep‑tissue admin fee”.

Yoga’s CEO, Harmony McQuibble, defended the company’s methods. “We don’t raise premiums,” she said. “We elevate them. Sensually.”

Early reviews of the app are bleak. One user reported that every time they tried to view their policy, the screen displayed: “Consent to deeper financial exploration.”

Allan remains resigned. “Most insurers shaft you,” she said. “Yoga just lights incense first.”