Glasgow Road Closures Continue as City Trials New ‘Surprise Maze’ Urban Planning Strategy

Glasgow City Council has confirmed that the city’s endless road closures are not the result of poor planning, budget issues, or a council worker accidentally clicking “Select All” on a roadworks form — but part of a bold new initiative to transform Glasgow into a giant, ever‑shifting urban maze.

Officials say the project, titled “Maze Glasgow: Find Yersel’”, will “boost tourism,” “encourage walking,” and “keep motorists humble.” Under the new system, roads will close at random, detours will lead to other detours, and diversion signs will be written in riddles such as “To go forward, first go back, unless ye’re in a hurry.”

Motorists will be issued breadcrumbs to help them retrace their route, though the council warns these may be eaten by pigeons “with malicious intent.” The only known exit from the maze is rumoured to be somewhere near Paisley, though no one has successfully reached it. A man from Partick claims he escaped last week, but witnesses say he simply walked into a Tesco and cried.

Local businesses are divided. Some say the maze has increased foot traffic. Others say customers have been trapped in cul‑de‑sacs for days, surviving only on meal deals and hope. One café owner reported a man emerging from a diversion “like he’d seen things — deep things — things no driver should ever see.”

The council insists the maze is temporary, though they admit “temporary” may mean “several decades.” A spokesperson said: “Glasgow is a city of surprises. Now the roads are too.”

Residents have begun forming search parties to locate missing relatives, delivery drivers, and the 75 bus, which was last spotted heading north‑east at speed, screaming.